Getting to Peace

I must say that I've felt more relaxed since I made the decision to BC. I didn't even spend an excessive amount of time on nappturality.com today. I'm still a little nervous and I think I will write that every time until the time comes, but I know it's the best decision for my hair.

I had begun obsessing over this thing and that is not good. I remember when I'd obsess over stupid men and I always felt better when I just said, "Michelle, cut it out. Just call." And I'd always feel better than I did when I had imaginary conversations in my mind and went through 50 possible scenarios.

I do need to get in the bed...I'll touch base tomorrow. I'm contemplating not going to work, because I refuse to curl my hair and I blowdried it so it will be in good shape for Locks of Love. I know my ponytail is going to look a hot mess. I have sick days, so I will let ya know...

I Have an Appointment for the BC!

Tomorrow (9/1/05) after work, I am getting all of this hair cut off. Can you believe it? I know I am going to get a bunch of backlash from people who are enamoured with long hair. However, this is not a decision based on aesthetics. I want healthy, natural hair free from chemicals. My natural hair is so much thicker than this permed stuff. I can't wait. Of course I'm nervous, like I've mentioned everyday, but now is as good a time as any.

I've received tremendous support on nappturality.com. They make me want to cry and I just can't wait to get to know this hair so we can begin our life-long love affair...

I Found Someone to Cut It!!!

I've been looking around and talking to different people about who could do my BC. I've even looked at shops in DC and MD. And then I thought, "One of the faculty members here recently cut off her relaxed ends and her hair texture is probably similar to mine." And so I called this morning to ask her who cut her hair. She responded, "Me." I'm so relieved and excited. My search is over. I asked her if she would be willing to cut mine and she said sure. She's going out of town this weekend, so I told her that I would probably touch base with her next week. I'm still trying to make sure that I am ready, but the truth is probably that I'll never be all the way ready. I'll always be a little nervous, apprehensive, anxious. However, one thing is absolute and that is...I do not plan to relax my hair again.

I never thought about the toxins and chemicals involved. This is a good article on the issue.

BCing Earlier?

I am truly contemplating BCing earlier. I posted a question on nappturalty.com this morning, asking how long your hair needs to be to twist it. I received several responses. Some people said that you can twist short hair; it just takes more time. Someone else made an interesting point...that I should cut it when I'm ready, but it will probably be easier to learn 1.5" of hair and work with it as it grows, than to have 4-5" at one time and not know what to do with it. That is not a direct quote, but it's the jist of it.

Another series of posts, entitled, "If You Knew Then What U Know Now..." has me contemplating the BC earlier. A number of people said they would have BC'd earlier. Dealing with 2 textures is no easy feat, especially if you are trying to preserve the health of the natural hair. I don't even have that much new growth and it's a struggle to deal with. I've still got to locate a stylist that I can trust to cut it. I am not going to the hair cuttery with this stuff. If I had really coarse hair, I would because it would be easier for them to see the difference. Even when I had a short cut with the back short, Erline uses scissors, not clippers. My hair grows funny and does interesting things. I can't take any chances. I'll have to find out what I need to do before going in. If I need to blowdry it, so it's easier for them to see the 2 textures, that's fine. Then I can maybe get a wash and go. I'll figure out what to do with it from there.

BAA

Check out Angela's Bad Azz Afro...It could be a weave, but it sho' looks good :)

Pictures of Twist-Out Ponytail

A view from above

The ponytail came out pretty well

To Poo or Not To Poo?

I'm considering no pooing for a while. It's all the rage among the nappturals. Everyone keeps talking about how they wish they had done it earlier. As long as I don't use too many products, I should be fine.

My goal with this twist-out is to keep it for 5 days. The less I mess with my hair, the better. We'll see how it holds up. The good thing is that I can re-twist it and dampen it mid-week if necessary. I can definitely live with this style...at the moment. We all know how fickle I am, so time will tell.

Did I mention that I cut another piece of relaxed hair out this morning? I didn't mention the first either? Oh...so this is what happened...there was this little coil that wanted to be alone and free. She did not like living beside the permie and who could blame her? So...I freed her and she was so happy! When I examined the permie, there was a bit more hair there than I thought, but it's okay. She was really holding the sista coil back and we can't have that. Part of me is itching to release all of my hair, but I want it to stick up and it won't stick up if it's too short. I'll just have to be patient.

I think I'll just wear a twist-out updo for the wedding and pull out a few strands to hang in front. I love having texture!

I really need to stay away from the curling irons and blow dryer for as long as possible. Maybe if I leave it alone, it will grow faster...and I can cut it sooner!

Feedback on Twist-Out in Ponytail

My dean noticed that I did something different. I think he liked it. My boss saw me and didn't comment. That could be a good thing...

Roshini.net

I read this on Roshini.net and was like...yeh, that's true...

So, I think it's the freedom and the empowerment because those of us who are natural we have taken the extra step. It's like an extra step of self confidence because it takes a lot to stop wearing perms. We have been grown and bread to believe that we don't look like jack unless you have a perm…and we never question it. My mother took a picture of me before I started getting perms. My mother blew my hair out …my hair was out…like this (arms stretched out over head) …and then she pressed it and it was like... Then she was like 'We need to get this child a perm ' and you don't question it.

I thought that perms were like a right of passage. I remember thinking that when I got to a certain age and they considered me to be almost an adult that's when I would get a perm.

Exactly, "I'm getting a perm now and I don't have to deal with my kinky hair my nappy hair"

Disappointment

Happily Natural Day was a huge disapointment. I don't know why black people can't get it together. The lectures were scheduled to begin at 12 PM. They had not begun at 1:20 PM. I had been there since 11:00 AM since the website said that activities would begin at that time. In actuality, vendors began to set up at 11:00 AM. I did order a DVD, because I wanted the information, but I was not going to sit there and wait for another minute. I was soooo hungy and knew that might be an issue. I ate some Nilla Wafers on the way and figured that I'd be so into the information that I might be able to make it until 1, maybe even 2 since I also ate a later breakfast. At any rate, that was a big disappointment.

I'm going to wash my hair and set in flat twists. We'll see how that looks in the AM. Of course, I will check one before I go to sleep to make sure it's okay. At this point, since I have quite a bit of length, I can put it up if it's not quite right.

Considering Shortening Transition Time

I'm considering shortening my transition time. I spoke to a friend yesterday and she said that her hair was only about 3 inches or so when she cut off her relaxer. I remember that I liked her 2-strand twists at that length. I'll assess the situation further in December. By then I "should" have at least 3 inches. Of course 3 inches of stretched hair could be 1 inch of naturally curled hair. If I flat twist it, I should be able to see what it's going to do and know if I'd like more length or not. If I BC in December, then maybe my transitioning friend and I can do it together. I'm still concerned about who is going to cut it, because I believe the cut is important to the shape. We'll see if I find out about anyone tomorrow at the celebration.

Still At It

I'm still on nappturality.com...today's research topics are cutting, olive oil, clarifying, and flexirods. The site is really acting up though, that's irritating. I decided to go to Happily Natural Day on Saturday in Richmond. I'm hoping to get information about stylists in the area. I looked at the site and they listed two from previous celebrations, but then when I tried to find them on the web or in the yellow pages, they were no where to be found. There has to be more than one shop in Richmond.

I was reading an earlier post and they made some good points about the lack of training among African-American hair stylists in the area of natural haircare and styling. That of course enables the few natural haircare stylists to charge an arm and a leg. That really sucks. I'm pretty sure that it will be essential for me to get my hair professionally cut once it's time. I want a cut that I could wear straight as well. A well shaped fro is essential. Although, I'm not sure that I'll be that brave off the bat. I'm so conflicted, it's a shame. I guess it will depend on what my hair does.

I really want to wear protective hair styles during this transition phase. I think I'm going to experiment this weekend with a flat twist-out and roll the ends on flexirods. I'll definitely post pictures. I need to start getting used to the new growth which will ultimately be what I'm working with. It's crazy that I've never attempted to style my natural hair naturally, but I guess it's not so crazy since that was not the style back in the 80's when I was natural.

Discussion Forums are GREAT!

I spent 3 hours last night/this morning on nappturality.com's transitioning forum. It's nice to know you're not alone. I spoke to Danielle today, who's also natural, and she told me about 2 other sorors who are also natural. I suppose it is definitely trendy; however, I know no one who has gone natural and then back to the "creamy crack." :) Apparently, on nappturality.com, if you type relaxer, it automatically changes to "chemical fire cream." Harsh, but pretty true. That's funny!

Abandoning the Rollerset

I think it's the setting lotion. I cannot find one that I like. I hated the way my hair felt and blew it dry. I curled it too, and used the Satin Creme Press that Kristen recommended. Now, it feels like my hair. Hopefully, blowdrying and curling once a week won't damage it too much. I like it better this way, because it doesn't get as tangled. I think it will be better in the long run. Even with the braid-out, I feel like it gets really tangled and I'm pulling my hair out. I still want to try the straw set.

Reasons Behind My Obsession

I have noticed that I have a tendency to tell people about my new journey anytime someone mentions my hair. I'm thinking that I keep bringing it into conversation to gauge people's reactions. A lot of my dialogue is also an attempt to work through my psychological issues. I read this morning that you do have to undergo a psychological shift to truly accept your natural hair. It is kind of deep what our culture has done to us.

Article on the Topic

Inspiration

Today's New Growth

And here's the new growth, which I do realize doesn't look as bad as it does in person, says me... I should have taken a picture of the front before I straightened it this morning. Oh well, there will be plenty of picture taking opportunities in the next year.

The Rollerset

Okay, I realize these pictures do not look as bad as I thought they would.

The rollerset...I know this looks okay, because it is a concealing style...

And my face is blocked out, because I am NOT photogenic. I don't care what people say :)

Concerned About New Growth

I am getting worried about my new growth. I washed my hair this weekend and I am positive that my new growth and my relaxed hair are fighting. The relaxed hair was definitely more tangled. Even when it seemed like the pick was making it through the strands with little difficulty, an attempt to pass a finer tooth comb through told a different story. My arms were tired and I couldn't imagine how much more difficult it will become as it continues to grow.

I straightened the front with the curling iron and couldn't believe the amount of new growth. When "they" say that hair grows 1/2" a month, I think "they" are telling the truth. It never seemed true before, but I definitely have 1" of new growth, if not more. I'll have to post a picture later.